The 6 Types of Colorado Coffee Shop Customers

I spend too much a lot of time in coffee shops. It's a good environment to study in; the distractions are few and the caffeine is readily available (my habits have thrown our budget off balance, though, so this summer will be an exercise in cutting back). In the (probably) hundreds of hours I've spent in various coffee shops around the Colorado Springs area, I've noticed some patterns in the types of people who choose to spend their time there, and have devoted some of those precious hours to the art of people watching. So without further ado:

the 6 types of Colorado coffee shop customers

1 The college student.
This one is kind of a no-brainer, because it's the category I fall into. The college student, hunched underneath a backpack, enters the coffee shop staring at her iPhone, throws her myriad student-related items on a table near an outlet, and proceeds to the counter, where she now falls into one of two subcategories:

A The broke college student. (That's me.)
She orders a small plain coffee and a water, and a day-old bagel if they have one. She apologizes internally for the amount of hours she's going to spend here after paying a measly three dollars.
B The affluent college student.
She orders a large flavored latte, made with soy, a piece of blueberry bread, and one of those salted caramels in the dish at the counter. The barista compliments her beautiful manicure.

Either way, she spends the next several hours before her next class starts writing or studying flash cards, marking her spot in various textbooks, and hammering out a paper that she's put off to the last minute. Every now and again she makes eye contact with the other college student in the shop and they share a knowing grimace.

2 The "regular."
This one's a hoot. He breezes in, attracting as much attention as he can (much to the dismay of our college students up there), saunters up to the counter and chats with the barista as if they raised a kid together. He slightly mispronounces the barista's name, but she doesn't correct him because she knows he just needs to feel cool and local. He brags loudly about his "caffeine addiction," then proceeds to order a twenty ounce single shot mocha with extra chocolate and whipped cream, smiles paternally at everyone in the shop and then exits, saying over his shoulder as he leaves, "You know you'll see me again soon!" accompanied by a hearty laugh. There are true regulars, of course, but the "regular" -in quotes - is my personal favorite.

3 The very important businessman.
Please don't be this person. This VIP spends the entirety of his (lengthy) stay at the coffee shop in a central, visible location, talking animatedly into his hands-free microphone. His fellow customers give him a wide berth, because they really have no desire to listen to his million-dollar deal-making and, also, sometimes he picks his nose without apparently realizing it.

4 The trendy blogger.
She's easily identifiable, because she has the cutest (and quirkiest!) outfit in the room, her hair is either in flowing waves or a chic top knot, and her MacBook is covered in Post-It notes. She probably has thick black glasses. She orders something that's not on the menu, then has to tell the barista how to make it properly, and politely asks if there is anything gluten-conscious and lactose-free in the pastry case. Her mid-range Canon EOS Rebel T3i DSLR camera is slung artfully about her neck, and she pretends to be apologetic as she asks the barista if she can please take a picture of her because her afro is so perfect and her readers would just love it.

5 The high school besties.
These two are, like, super glad they finally have time to sit down and catch up because OMG isn't school just, like, draining your energy?? They have, like, two papers to write, and they're three pages - EACH - and they only have, like, three weeks to get them done! Again, our college students catch an earful of this conversation and roll their eyes, because just wait, you will be wishing for those easy high school days again. They chat excitedly about the latest gossip and the rest of the women in the shop eye their long, glossy hair enviously.

6 The hiker/biker/backpacker.
Wearing the appropriate colorful athletic gear, this customer is almost exclusive to Colorado shops. Will often stay for an hour or more without removing his bike helmet, Camelbak, or safari hat (it's good for that Colorado sun). Rain or shine, the toned, glistening muscles of these usually tall, lean people distract our resident college students, businesspeople, bloggers, and high schoolers from their computers, telephones, and conversations, and we all watch surreptitiously and wonder if we will ever be that fit. (Probably not.)


The entertainment is worth the two hundred percent markup, right?