On "What Are You Having?"

Sugar and spice, and everything nice....

Snips and snails and puppy dog tails...

Let me preface this by saying that the overwhelming reaction to our decision not to find out the sex of Baby Shindel has been "Good for you! Way to wait! Keep it a surprise!" etc. We are lucky to have the level of support that we do when it comes to this baby - we know that our child, boy or girl, is eagerly anticipated and will be dearly loved. I'm fully aware of this and am immensely grateful for it.

I'd like to address the increasingly frequent instances of people demanding to know if we would rather have a boy or a girl. For some reason, most assume that we would rather have a boy - best to start with a boy so any subsequent kids will have that "strong, protective older brother," right?

Wrong.

We would love to have a boy. And we would love to have a girl. I struggle to understand why it's preferable in the eyes of so many to have a boy first. I'm a girl and an oldest child, and honestly I take offense to the idea that A) I should have been a boy or B) I would have been better off or turned out better had I had an older brother.

In the spirit of research I asked my little brother if he liked having me as his oldest sibling or if he would have rather I had been a boy. His answer: "I like it as you. You have taught me good things to do around girls and how to act, and how to not be an a-hole, and I know better than to say stupid stuff." My sister's answer to the same question: "I loved having you as my big sister. I had someone to look up to, to whom I could ask questions, who could understand me if I was having a hard time. If you had been a boy, I would have missed out having someone who could connect with me on a level other than sibling." I think I can safely say that my siblings don't wish that they had had an older brother instead of me.

Perhaps my indignation is unjustified. Most of these people mean no harm. I think I struggle most with the idea that this preference for boys stems from a deeper undercurrent of sexism; the idea that boys are automatically stronger, smarter, wiser, or better leaders than girls can be is ingrained into many minds. This manifests itself in a belief that oldest boys are somehow more desirable than oldest girls. I hope that Elliott and I can be the kind of parents that help to dispel these myths by raising a strong, self-advocating, caring, gentle, and respectful boy or girl.

Anyway. Baby S, no matter what you are, we can't wait to meet you and see who you become - and I really hope you like yellow.